A series of confessions of a would-be novelist in list form
- I am trying to write more query letters and I just can’t right now.
- I have lost faith in the work at a time I am supposed to believe in it the most.
- I lack perspective
- I want to talk about my struggles, but fear of appearing unprofessional
- A mosquito bites my three-year-old child on the arm.
- I read this
- I have a 33rd birthday
- My child’s arm swells, turns pink and hot.
- We take him to the doctor.
- We take him to a second doctor. Follow-up visits speckle the rest of the week like freckles. If things suddenly go bad, I am to call.
- Immediately.
- My child plays at an indoor park. I watch him, I write.
- I read this
- I realize, I have everything.
- I’m ashamed. I’m glad. I put my child down for his nap.
- I kiss him. Close the door.
- I write.
Oh, I hope your child is okay. I wouldn’t call their arm swelling an “excuse”, but, yeah, life is so distracting, isn’t it?
As to looking professional, very good point. Maybe write out your struggles as a draft, save it, and then re-read it a few days later for that much needed perspective?
I have a hard time with this, too. I get so few readers to my blog that I often write with no filters on. But then I meet someone I admire and they refer to an old embarrassing post of mine. (Can you say ‘loser’? Must remember to keep filters on…and keep writing…)
Good luck with your queries.
Thank you, he is in high spirits. Basically it is a skin infection that needs a ton of antibiotics and close monitoring to make sure it doesn’t spread. I really didn’t mean to frame the events of the last few days as excuses not to write, because it was really more of a series of head-checks. Of course I want validation, I want a contract, I’m not getting any younger… But none of that matters when you’re sitting in a pediatrician’s office with a sick kid. I can always write, no matter what happens, and that’s it’s own kind of magic.
As to being professional, I have a Word file for my bellyaches and neurosis; and my PLC pals usually get an earful when we meet; and that’s as far as it needs to go really. Way back in LiveJournal times, I wrote a ton of stuff I’d be extremely embarrassed anyone for anyone to read now, and have since removed… but that same unfiltered writing got me more readers. It’s a tricky line to navigate.
My apologies, don’t know where I got the excuse-idea from…
Anyway, glad your son is in high spirits. And, yes, writing/blogging is a tricky line to navigate.
(By the way, I may steal your confessions-idea.)