A series of confessions of a would-be novelist in list form

  1. I am trying to write more query letters and I just can’t right now.
  2. I have lost faith in the work at a time I am supposed to believe in it the most.
  3. I lack perspective
  4. I want to talk about my struggles, but fear of appearing unprofessional
  5. A mosquito bites my three-year-old child on the arm.
  6. I read this
  7. I have a 33rd birthday
  8. My child’s arm swells, turns pink and hot.
  9. We take him to the doctor.
  10. We take him to a second doctor. Follow-up visits speckle the rest of the week like freckles. If things suddenly go bad, I am to call.
  11. Immediately.
  12. My child plays at an indoor park. I watch him, I write.
  13. I read this
  14. I realize, I have everything.
  15. I’m ashamed. I’m glad. I put my child down for his nap.
  16. I kiss him. Close the door.
  17. I write.