Category Archives: 3 Things…

3 Things This (or any other) Writer Wants for Xmas

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Xmas Tree‘Tis the season to be making a list, checking it twice, giving it to a beta reader, revising it, and eventually going out shopping to fill it. Dad’s are easy. Anything gadgety, and they’re good to go. Mom? If you can’t make her cry with sentiment, go for the jewelry. Then deal out the gift cards for the rest.

But what about that writer in your life? What could make that spinner of tales feel the yuletide cheer? Amy and Amy gave great ideas earlier in the week, and I’ll ditto each of their lists. Adding to them, I give you my list:

Scrivener

Scrivener is a program available for both Mac and Windows users. It’s designed to help keep those long and pesky novels in an easily organized manner that makes structuring and rearranging the novel a million times easier. It breaks down the story to individual chapters or (even better) scenes. No more separate .doc or .docx files to get jumbled or lost like a sock in the dryer. The whole book is in one project in one place. It also includes distraction-free writing, timers, goals, and more. I could go on for an entire post on the benefits. Others already have, so I’ll move on. Price: Mac $45 / PC $40. Discounts available for students and educators.

Writer’s Retreat

This falls under the category of giving your writer time. Vacations are taken for many reasons, whether it’s something fun for the kids, your job whisks you to a convention, or your significant other is looking for something romantic. Why not schedule some time for them to write amidst scenery that sparks creativity? Find a place that resonates with your writer. Taking a hike through the red rocks of Sedona always gets me itching to pound out some prose. Maybe you have an aunt that is willing to let you use her cabin for a few days. All your writer really need is a bed and a desk. Guaranteed, it will be a weekend your writer will be thankful for. Price: Depends on who you know and where you go. Warning: Writing Retreats are habit-forming.

Personal Space

I mean this on a couple of levels. The most obvious of which is, let your writer write. If you see your writer in the throes of prose, leave them be. The slightest distraction can throw off their entire groove and have them resenting you the rest of the day. True story. I’m also talking about an actual space to do their work. Yes, writing is work, not some hobby we tinker with when we’re not catering to your whims. Show your writer you care by creating a work space that is their own. A room would be ideal, but a small corner with a desk would be more than enough. Maybe a cork board or wall to pin up notes, or a privacy screen to help block out annoying distractions. Giving your writer space lets them know that what they do matters. Price: Minimal square footage.

Free Gifts To Give Your Writer This Christmas

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Black Friday’s history. Cyber Monday’s deals ended last night at midnight. You’re broke. Spent all your dosh on custom-designed Snuggies for everyone in your extended family. 40% off was too good a deal to pass. And Great-Granny Myrtle’s such a huge Bieber fan.

But…look. Over there. To the corner where your writer slaves away, fingers tapping away at the keyboard, head full of voices and heart full of dreams.

What can you get your writer (whether brother, sister, mother, father, lover, partner, friend) for Christmas when you’ve got little to no money?

1. Time

Not the magazine, though he/she might appreciate that as well. No, what every writer needs is time. Time to write, to stare out the window, to doodle and daydream. Give your writer uninterrupted time and he or she just might break out in tears of joy. Seriously. It’s that big a deal.

2. Eyes

I don’t mean eyes in, say, a bucket or the egg drawer of the fridge. I mean reading his or her work. Writers may be bold on the page, but often, they’re quite timid when it comes to having others read what’s written there. Having a first reader he or she can trust is HUGE. For many writers, it’s the first step to sending out work into the world. Even if you don’t like what you read, the mere fact you’ve read it will be massive to your writer. Massive.

3. Encouragement

Even though it’s free, this one’s got the most bang for its buck. Writing can be a lonely, disheartening and weary journey. Lots of time working in solitude, carrying on in the face of rejection. Many writers find themselves asking if this gig is worth it. What every writer needs now and again is a booster shot of encouragement. A kind word or nod to help him or her keep going. A simple acknowledgement that you see his or her effort. A little validation goes a long, long way.

Try these gifts out this Christmas. Give your writer your time, your eyes and your encouragement, and watch what happens. Listen to the frenzied typing from the corner crescendo. These gifts will swell your writer’s heart and set a fire under his or her seat. You could even end up with your name in a book dedication. And that’s better than a Snuggie any day. Even with Bieber on it.

FOUR Things… to get your pet writer for the holidays

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Do you have one of those delightfully cranky and lint-covered writers on your gift list this year? Here are 3 things… (well, four, I cheated) to get your writer.

3. A mini-laptop. I upgraded from a fancy lemon of a laptop to a notebook this year. I get a lot of questions about how I like it from my fellow students in writing. It is completely awesome. It’s very portable, cheaper than a full-on laptop, has enough juice to run Word, and store all my document files. I can browse the internet, but sometimes have a hard time with videos, which is actually perfect because I’m not supposed to be watching videos, I’m supposed to be writing. I love my notebook so much it’s become my primary machine. This is mine, I got it from Toshiba Direct.

BLUE STEEL II

If the writer in your life needs a computer upgrade, try one of these.

2. A gift certificate to a bookstore:Powell’s or Amazon or Barnes and Noble or your local shop.
There is a misconception that gift certificates are impersonal, but I promise a gift certificate to a bookstore will delight any writer, and will be received and used with joy. Because you’re not just giving the pleasure of a book; you’re also giving the pleasure of the book-shopping experience. It’s like double presents to us.

1. A laser printer. Oh god, a laser printer.

Because a good writer ALWAYS prints his work. A nice black-and-white laser printer will make your writer’s life. I’ve wanted one since they first came out and were uber expensive, now they seem to run about as much as a standard printer. CNET has a roundup of their favorites here.

I know two of my three mentions are pricey, so I’m throwing in this SPECIAL HONORABLE MENTION: THE ECONOMY BEING WHAT IT IS EDITION: The number one, completely free and very best gift you can give the writer in your life: free time.

At least a day. Get up early on a weekend and evacuate the house (super bonus points if you cleaned the house the day before if your writer notices and is bothered by such things, otherwise he/she may spend the time cleaning). Take the kids/dog/insanity with you. All day. Go away all day long. Come back at 7 pm with pizza (or make sandwiches). Deliver dinner to your writer, and then retreat. Put the kids/dog/insanity to bed, watch Breaking Bad by yourself until your writer emerges, bleary-eyed and strange. Your writer may be talkative, or completely silent, cheerful or crabby, and just go with the flow on that. No matter what, they ARE supremely grateful.

And there you have it, four things that’ll really stuff your writer’s stocking.

3 Things Making a Book-Throwing Bonanza

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This week we’ve been talking about the things that make us want to throw a book across the room. Things an author does that makes your blood boil and grip the covers tighter. Pale knuckled and tight-lipped, the last straw falls from the page and before you even know what really happened, that book is already across the room, flying like a multi-winged brick.

Luckily my anger management is better in my older age. Book throwing has watered down to placing it on the bedside table, though a bit forcibly. But what are those things that get me riled up, you wonder? I thought you’d never ask.

WARNING: I plan on naming names along with a few spoilers. Oh, and at least one F-bomb. Proceed at your own risk.

1. Typos. This is really superficial of me, I know. I can’t wholly blame the author for this mistake.
Editors have to shoulder it as well. The first page, even the first chapter, has to be typo free. I can forgive typos in the middle. I might not even notice them. But for f*ck’s sake, the last line can’t have one. I’m talking to you, Mr. Butcher. The VERY LAST LINE in his latest Dresden novel has a typo: ” ‘ There is much work to do be done.’ “

How the hell did that slip by? It ruined the savory goodness I look for at the end of his books. Any anticipation for future novels I ponder or losses I grieve are all fogged over by that glaring mistake. Superficial, yes, but still. Grrr…

2. Deviation from the author’s original concept. This mainly pertains to book series. The author hooks me with the first book, making me more than willing to go along for the multi-book ride. Then somewhere along the way, the author decides to change things. I can only speculate on why, so I won’t. I will give you an example though.

I loved watching Dexter. So much so, I wanted to read the novels by Jeff Lindsay. Not surprising, I liked them too. Then I came to book three, Dexter in the Dark. In this installment the author moves away from serial killer fiction to supernatural inspired killing. I bought into the series based on the fresh perspective. Now it’s changed with this supernatural element to the point I’ve stopped reading the series and am unsure if I’ll ever pick it up again.

3. Wrong doings to a character I love. Amy touched on this Wednesday, and I couldn’t agree with her more. When an author creates a character I connect with so much that when bad things happen to him, I get all up in arms. That my friends, is some damn good writing.

I can still remember that first time. Robin Hobb’s Assassin’s Apprentice had me glued to the page. The things she put FitzChivalry through had me so enraged at points, I had to stop reading just to cool down. Once it passed, I was in awe. I had gotten worked up over a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. I could scarcely believe it. Ms. Hobb also engraved into me, this is how I want readers to react to my stories and characters. I thank her for that.

So now that we’ve told you what gets our book blood boiling. Tell us what does it for you.

What Makes Me Put A Book Down

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As I thought about our topic this week (3 things that make me throw a book across the room), I realized there’s only one thing that makes me do this.

Shock.

The only times I’ve ever actually thrown a book across the room, I was so into a character and story that an unexpected event  upset me to the extent I lashed out at the author by throwing the thing they’d created–and made me love.

Which, when you think about it, is actually a good thing. Compelling characters I care about? Yes, please. Story that keeps me on the edge of my seat? Awesome.

So, for me, throwing a book across the room is actually a compliment.

Now, there’s another thing I do with books. It’s the opposite of throwing.

I put books down. And more often than not, when I put a book down, it stays down.

This is not a good thing.

What makes me put a book down? Aside from obvious bad writing, here are three reasons.

1. I’m bored.

Last year I read a book that rambled for thirty pages before it got to anything resembling a story. The writing was beautiful, but reading it was like wandering through a forest.  By page twenty I was searching for breadcrumbs. By page thirty, I was done with wondering. Perhaps you don’t consider thirty pages a big investment of time, but I do. I don’t think it’s asking a lot to have a clue where a story is headed after investing thirty pages worth of my time. I’m all for beautiful prose, and I love literary fiction as much as I do commercial. I’m an equal-opportunity reader. But if I’m bored by what’s happening (or rather not happening) in a story, odds are I’m going to put the book down.

2. I don’t believe it.

There’s an unspoken contract between authors and readers that goes something like this: the reader pays (in money, time and emotion) for the author to take him on a trip through the imagination. The deal hinges on that trip being real to the reader. I don’t mean real as in literal/factual/nonfiction. By real, I mean the reader buys into the story. Accepts it as real in his imagination. This has everything to do with verisimilitude. If an author creates a real character and puts her in a vivid setting and makes her leap off the page, the reader will follow that character everywhere she goes, regardless of how outlandish the premise of the story is. Zombies on the moon? Sure, if the author makes it real to the reader.

But when a character makes choices outside of who the author has established her to be, or when a setting morphs to cardboard cutouts or the walk-on characters show up from central casting, the book takes an unbelievable turn. The zombie on the moon turns out to be Frank the Plumber in a bad Halloween hand-me-down.

And I put the book down.

3. I just don’t care.

This one’s a toughy. At its essence is character. An author can craft the most amazing plot and create an amazing setting, but if I don’t care about the lead character , then it doesn’t matter to me what happens with the story. And that’s not good. The character can be a bad guy. Bad guys are totally fun to read as long as they’re compelling and real. But if the lead’s just a cardboard cutout or someone without anything redeeming about them, well, I don’t want to read it. And down goes the book.

This all sounds really harsh I suppose. But really, is it asking too much?

A book worth the investment of my money, time and emotion should be real and compelling and grab me by the heart. That kind of book may get thrown across the room, but it certainly won’t be put down.

Three things… that make your book suck

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I was twelve the first time I threw a book across the room. Boromir died. I was pissed. And crying. And pissed. Boromir was the only normal person in the fellowship of the ring- and therefore happened to be the character I identified with most. After I got over the shock, I went right back to The Two Towers, but the book-hurling instinct was born.

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Now, if you’re going to have a reader throw your book across the room, it had better be from heartbreak. That’s the only decent reason. Now that I’m old and jaded, I no longer expect my fictitious fantasy friends to come out of their stories unscathed at the end. And I don’t pitch books I hate- too much effort. These days, I’m much more likely to set down a disappointing paperback with a harumph and never look at it again. And here are the three things I harumph at most.

1. Prologues  forever. I have a terrible habit of reading prologues. Boring, useless, shitteous prologues. Because I am a sucker who still somehow believes that there may be a morsel of knowledge squirreled away in the prologue that I might need to know to enjoy the rest of the book.

Lies.

scrolling yellow font = automatic eyeball glaze

The only thing worse than a book with a fat prologue is a book that dumps prologue-like chunks of exposition all over the plot. Now, all rules can be broken, but you really have to be a master of the craft to get away with that. And you aren’t. So sorry.

(Now, I know there is a certain type of reader that lives for the worldbuilding, the lore, the mythology, the history, and so on. And that’s why we have websites now, that you can stuff full of extras to delight the people who aren’t reading for the characters or the plot. All six of them.)

2. Women with no agency. There is a longstanding tradition of lame, weak, pathetic, imbecile victims female characters in genre fiction. So what I’m saying is, it’s old. It’s been done. Stop now.

Related: Hero Rapists. Boring, trite, awful. Attention, gentlemen scribes: many more women are raped or sexually assaulted than you are aware of. Yes, the 1 in 4 statistic gets bandied about, but if you can get the women in your life to open up and talk to you, you’ll find the number of women who’ve been assaulted if not outright raped is much, much higher. Yes YOUR wife/girlfriend/sister/mom/bestie/cousin/coworker/neighbor has been sexually assaulted. And some of us will never admit it to anyone, because we know what admitting it will get us (jack squat, potential consolation prize of “whore” label). So does having a hero who is a rapist still seem clever or cutting-edge?

(Please note, I’m not saying don’t write about rape, or rapists, or rape survivors, I’m saying don’t expect me to think your protagonist is EDGY and COOL in a DARKSIDED way if he rapes somebody. He’s not, he’s lamer than a scorpion in your underpants.)

3. Logic holes. Whenever I see one of these things, I always feel bad for the writer, because logic holes can be hard to see from the inside.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Still, nothing destroys a good read like a nasty logic hole. I had one ruin the end of an otherwise very enjoyable YA trilogy (no names, gonna protect the guilty here). Now, judging by ye olde internets, I’m not the only person who found the end of the last book unsatisfying. However, as a grizzled vet with millions of books under my belt, I knew that the star-crossed lovers were not going to be together. I was all ready to cry buckets over it. Unfortunately, the reason the lovers did not end up together was because the hero sacrificed himself … pointlessly. The rules of magic set up earlier in the series were either forgotten or discarded. Not one of the characters recognized the utter nonsense of the hero’s death, which means the author didn’t either. (It also lead me to believe that the author had not read very much fantasy in his/her life, which, unfortunately, was what he/she was writing.)

I really do think that the hordes of readers who were bent out of shape about the tragic ending of the trilogy would have been more accepting- if the logic for it was strong. They didn’t pick up on the nonsense of it because they aren’t archnerds like me who’ve spent the last 25 years reading and analyzing everything they could get their hands on. But they still sensed it, and it still marred their enjoyment of the story.

As for me, number of tears cried over star-crossed lovers? Zero.

So writers, please, look over your work for these flaws with a red pen on standby. This reader will thank you for it.

3 Things… for Arm Hair Raising Moments

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By far the best moments in writing happen when an idea strikes. It’s so electrifying the hairs on your arms stand at attention. If I’m not near a pen or computer when it happens, I scramble to get to one. More often than not I could remember them later, but why risk it? Just because I’m not diagnosed with ADD or ADHD doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with losing a train of thought to something shiny.

The most important thing to know about achieving Arm Hair Raising Moments is that you need to be open to them. You have to be willing to let your story happen. There is no crime in deviating from an outline or a rough character sketch. As soon as you can relax these expectations, you’ll be hoisting your lightning rod and ready for inspiration to strike.

Everybody is different. You put your left shoe on first. I, the right. So it goes without saying that methods of letting go will be different for each of us as well. What I offer is three things that work for me. Try them out, tweak them if you like. I won’t mind. Just find something that works and use it.

Remove yourself from
your usual environment.

I don’t mean leave town. A thirty minute walk around the neighborhood could easily do the trick as well. Although if leaving town is possible, by all means do it. Wherever you end up, be it down the street or across the state line, enjoy where you are. Don’t hold that unworkable scene in your head. Taking in something new will in turn bring in something new to the story.

I would suggest going by yourself though. That way you avoid getting caught up in someone else’s thoughts. Let your thoughts be your own and those Ah-ha! moments will follow.

Write something else.

There is no rule anywhere that states you have to stick to the same story until it’s through. If you feel you’ve hit an impasse, simply go with something else. Once you pull your conscious brain away, I believe your subconscious takes over for you. Next thing you know, the arm hairs are rising and you’re back to your original story.

Indulge in silly exercises.

Remember when you were first starting out writing stories based on prompts? Those long drawn out and seemingly pointless character sketches you did to improve your craft? I know you remember. Did you think that was only for the sake of honing your craft, and now that you’ve been doing this for a while, those aren’t necessary anymore?

Think again.

Those exercises will help almost every single time. Most of what you write won’t end up in the story, but that doesn’t make it useless. Some aspect of your character or plot will sneak in and raise your arm hair. Most definitely while you’re not expecting it.

And that’s the key to these Arm Hair Raising Moments. You never expect them when they happen. So why not create times for them to happen? I’m not advocating for anyone to ignore their writings. You still need to get your butt in the chair. It’s when the writing’s getting stale and in need of some fresh inspiration that we as writers need to shake it up. These are a few of the devises I use to do that.

If you have any suggestions, please share them below. I’m always up to trying something new.

3 Things…That Turn Mush into Material (or at least something less mush-like)

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Our theme this week is to write about three things in our daily lives that inspire us to write. I’ve spent most of the day with my kids, running around town and doing summery things to keep us all mentally engaged and only mildly aware of the thermometer creeping higher. As I type this, the younger is chasing the older around the kitchen table, yelling, “Give me that red light saber!” Soon, my husband will arrive home from work and it will be my time to hide away in my office and write. There’s a problem, though.

My brain is full of mush.

Wait. Let me double-check. (*bumps side of head with hand*) Yep. Just gelatinous sloshing at this point.

So, what am I going to do in the next half-hour or so to get my brain back into writing shape?

1. Unplug

Even though it’s hot outside (current temp is a crisp 107°), I’ll go sit on my patio and listen to…well…nothing for a while. Sometimes, I have a difficult time jumping right into the chair and my desk and writing. Sometimes, I have to unplug from the noise (television, music, chattering children, hum of the A/C) to get in touch with my own thoughts. Since my writing time is limited, I don’t always have the luxury of just sitting and being still. But when I get the opportunity, I take it.

2. Daydream

Once I’m away from the noise and can hear my own thoughts again, I’ll think about the project I’m working on right now, the chapter I left half-written yesterday. I’ll think of the story overall, assess how it’s going and make a mental list of what needs work. Then I’ll set the current scene in my mind so it’s clear and ready for when I sit to write. Not so much time spent at the desk, waiting to get into the groove that way.

3. Set the tone

Finally, once I sit to write, I’ll put in my ear buds and pick a song that fits the scene I’m working on. Then I’ll play that song on repeat as I write. It sounds crazy–and maybe it is–to listen to the same song over and over, but eventually I don’t hear the song anymore. All I hear is the tone, the energy, of the song and that infuses my writing. I prefer to write in silence, but remember, I have these kids who can get pretty loud. (As I type this, they’re running around upstairs, which means I need to wrap this up and get them going on something creative and engaging.) The ear buds help drown out the house noise. The song retreating to white noise sets the tone but keeps me from being distracted by the words or changing tunes.

On a good day, these three things will work together to put me in a mindset to get words onto the page and the story told. Here’s hoping today is a good day.

3 Things… that turn thoughts into stories.

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This week’s topic at the PLC is “3 Things that inspire us from my daily lives.” In the interest of NOT writing a mushy post that only I would be interested in reading, I decided that the fact that my husband and son inspire me to write absolutely goes without saying, and am choosing three other facets of my life to talk about.

1.My best friend…

…herein referred to as Ren. (I am a Stimpy, natch.)

Ren is my First Reader and the logical half of my brain. One bullshitting session with her over beers always brings my crossed stars into alignment, and she thinks about my writing even when I might not be. A sample of our daily dialogue, from today’s texts:

Ren: I hate touring places with realtors. Fuckin mouthbreathing rabid catfish.

Me: They have too many teeth.

Ren: IDK why but that sentence keeps bringing some horrifying mental image that won’t quite birth itself to the misty outskirts of my mind every time I think about it. Keep that one for TIK book 2, would you? Super creepy.

I will, Ren. I will. And yes, we really do text stuff like that.

(Apologies to any realtors reading this. I’m sure you are not at all scary to you. Also, my own realtor was a wonderful, perfectly normal human being blessed with the usual number of teeth.)

2. My environment. Yes the dusty, dry, merciless desert landscape outside my window informs my work, more in mood and language than anything else. But what really sticks with me are the little things I notice in my daily life, like today, I took my toddler to the Sanrio shop, and the sole male worker there remarked with some wonder that I was allowing my son to touch the toys, because most families who come in make a big stink about the boys not touching anything. It’s a “girl store,” you see. As James ran around gleefully hugging a fluffy Hello Kitty backpack, a few families did come into the shop, moms with big sisters and little brothers in tow. Every single one of those little boys looked at James’s backpack with overt longing. One even asked me, “dat for me?”

FEMALE CAT WILL MAKE YOU FEMALE

Just a little thing I’m not going to forget any time soon.

3.The books I read and shows I watch. Art isn’t created in a vacuum, after all. The project I am working on now, Monsters, seemed to pop into my head from nowhere, but after considering it, there are some obvious, direct inspirations:

- Scott Westerfeld’s Leviathan.

-the performance of a particular actor in one of the Harry Potter movies (can’t say which one, it would spoil it for my betas). I always enjoyed this character in the books, but having seen all of the movies umpteen times, something about the performance began to fascinate me.

-…and since I just started watching Dr. Who at a frantic, sleep killing pace (thanks to Amy N. and Netflix Instant) one of my characters seems to have acquired a jot or two of Tenth Doctor in his personality. (But he’s not ginger.)

So, I have great friends. I try to get out of the house on the regular. And I read and watch a lot of the best stuff I can get my hands on. And that’s how I stay inspired.

3 Fictional Characters I Love to Hate

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So it’s confession week, and I must admit that last Monday I was 2/3 of the way through my Antiheroes & Villains post when my husband came home and told me we had dinner reservations. Wedding anniversary whoops! (For those of you playing at home, I forgot our anniversary last year too. I am a very romantic woman.) Anyway, I spent enough time on Antiheroes & Villains that I wanted to go on and finish it- so without further ado, here are 3 Fictional Characters I love to hate.

1. Cersei Lannister from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire and HBO’s Game of Thrones.

“Tears are not a woman’s only weapon.”

Just because the endlessly cunning and manipulative Cersei is already the Queen of Westeros doesn’t mean she has the power she craves (or the man she loves). God help you if you get in the way of her ambition or her family. Morality and pity are two things this woman just does not believe in. (Also, how awesome is GoT so far? So awesome!)

2. Randall Flagg (aka  Ramsey Forrest, Raymond Fiegler, Robert Franq, Richard Fry, Robert Freemont, Richard Freemantle, Russell Faraday, Richard Fannin) from, well, everything by Stephen King.

“Somebody who’s very charismatic, laughs a lot, tremendously attractive to men and women both, and somebody who just appeals to the worst in all of us.” – Stephen King

The Walkin’ Dude struts his way through many of Stephen King’s novels. Sometimes he is the main baddie, sometimes he just makes a cameo. Mid-World or Delaine, Vegas or Maine, it really doesn’t matter to him, as long as there is some shit to stir. As a kid in the ’80′s, before one could Google everything, I had to piece together for myself that the evil wizard in Eyes of the Dragon was the same guy as the tough piece of work running Vegas in The Stand. I can’t tell you how much this discovery thrilled me- and now I always have an eye out for old Randy. Flagg is a big player in the Stephen King metamythos, and for some reason seeing him appear always gives me the sensation that these stories are magic and true, and that I, clever little reader, am a part of it all.

3. Society! From everywhere, including Real Life!

A society with unfortunate mores makes an almost unbeatable bad guy, and that’s something we can all relate to on occasion. From The Handmaid’s Tale to 1984 to The Stars My Destination to Uglies, Society keeps on running everything and ruining everything. You guys are a bunch of jerks! (Present company excluded.)

And there you have it, 3 of my favorite bad guys. So tell me, who do you love to hate?